I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along… Somewhere I belong
I am so fucking sick and damn tired of never feeling at home anywhere I go, live, exist etc. I have been essentially homeless for the past 5 years and I am so absolutely sick of it I could… and have… screamed. I am sick of hitting my knees praying, pleading for an answer, listening, praying again, letting God guide my footsteps right off a god-damned cliff. I am sick of of life, I am sick of living, I am sick of people not being wiling to listen for even 2 minutes. I am sick of people telling me I am on a pity trip when the truth is they just have no time for anyone else but themselves. I am tired of people who say they are friends or family not being either of those things. I am tired of people complaining they don’t know me, or don’t know my situation or why I do things or don’t do things but refuse to ever ask or listen to anything I say. I am sick of people having no tolerance, sympathy or empathy for waking in my shoes. I am sick of people telling me what I should do to make it all fucking better when they don’t bother to ask if I have already tried first. I have no patience for people telling me how it should be when they don’t seem to have a clue about how it IS. Ia m tired of people telling me “I don’t know what to tell you” - If you don’t know what to say, don’t say ANYgod-damnedTHING! I am tired of people acting and telling me that God can make it all better when I have turned my life and soul over to Him, Done everything He has asked, Continue, in foolish HOPE to do what He tells me and getting NOTHING in return. I am tired of being toyed with. I am sick of God and Church and Religion. I am sick of love and people who tell me to not lose hope. to have faith when they are stupid, foolish things to have. I know. I have had them. I have done what I am supposed to do. I have been who I was supposed to be. I have TRIED. I have LOVED. I have LIVED> I have PRAYED. I have OBEYED. I have READ, I have GONE, I have DONE. I have taken a leap of FAITH. I have ENDURED HELL. I have turned my LIFE and SOUL over to god and he has SPIT IN MY GODDAMNEDMOTHERFUCKINGFACE! I am DONE.
I am DONE.
DONE.
